Always look for the green flags. Look for the signs you’re in a healthy relationship. I sadly spent a good portion of my life in incredibly toxic relationships, missing the many signs to move on. (How toxic? Restraining order toxic!) I won’t go into all of the details here, though I have shared much of my past and the “colorful” relationships I have been in other blog posts.
Through a lot of inner work and self-growth, I have healed my trauma and the mental patterns that got me into bad relationships in the first place. It was a hard road to travel, but now I get to experience the joys and blessings of a healthy loving relationship.
And I have learned over the years there is a great, great difference between toxic relationships and healthy ones.
If you are in a relationship right now and wondering if it’s healthy or not, here are 8 Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship:
1. You Feel Free to Speak Your Mind
A relationship can only thrive when both people feel they can communicate freely with one another. What does this mean? It means no topics should be off-limits. It means you both feel heard. And it means you never feel uneasy or anxious when approaching your partner with something to discuss.
2. You are Free to Do Your Own Thing
You can be head over heels in love with someone and still want your own time, space and friends. I love Dave and he loves me, but we don’t feel the need to spend every second together. It’s important for us to remain individuals with our own interests, hobbies and friendships. We both still need to grow as people so that we can grow as a couple.
3. When You Fight, You Fight Fairly and Honestly
Disagreements are perfectly normal in every relationship. If you never argue, chances are you’re not truly opening up and sharing your feelings with one another. When you are in a healthy relationship, these arguments are had fairly, and they turn out to be productive. No one uses name-calling or put-downs. You both strive to understand where the other one is coming from. And when one or both of you realizes you have been wrong, you apologize.
4. You Make Decisions Together
When it comes to children, to the house, to decoration and trips, you should both want to pitch in. Both of you should want to work together to find a decision that benefits everyone. Remember; You’re on the same team! When one of you ‘wins’, both of you win. When one of you ‘loses’ then you both lose. It’s you both, together, against the world.
5. You Have Fun Together
Anne Bancroft once said about her husband, Mel Brooks, “I get excited when I hear his key in the door. It’s like, ‘ooh! The party’s going to start!”
Healthy relationships are fun! You laugh together. It doesn’t mean every second of every day is full of entertainment, but it does mean that for the most part, when you are together, you have a good time with one another.
6. You Both Pitch in and Do the Work
If you are in a long-term relationship, particularly one where you share a household and children together, it’s important that you both share in the chores and responsibilities. It means you take turns picking up the kids after the game, you both stop after work to get the groceries and you both check in on your aging parents.
7. You are Kind to Each Other
Make sure your life partner is kind and treats you with love and care and respect. My guy, Dave, surprises me with tender acts of kindness that moved me to tears, and I do my best to treat him the same. Kindness is a choice you must make every day. It’s not just a personality trait or an atmosphere – it is a decision.
8. You Trust Each Other
Healthy relationships can only be built on trust. When you know that you can trust and depend on your partner FULLY, you KNOW you are in a healthy relationship.
Well, how does your relationship score? Are you in a healthy one? If so, take a moment to thank God for the love in your life, then go and tell your partner how much you love and appreciate them.
Also, love and appreciate yourself for being able to share your love and care deeply for someone.
I love and appreciate you!